What I Am Living For
by Angel of Beauty
Summary: The young widow Melissa Thompson starts a new life on the ship of dreams. The person she hates from the first day on is Cal. But he´s the only one who is there for her when she needs somebody. How emotions can change... Ch.6 online!
1. Lifetime Journey

Chapter 1

It was the year 1912 when Melissa Thompson started her life once again. After an unhappy marriage two years ago with her now-dead husband Jonathan Baker, a rich man from London, she decided to escape her home. Of course she knew that she would never see her family again but that didn´t matter by that time.

She still had a few pictures of them always with her. All that the woman with the long blond curls wanted was leaving her past behind, no matter what comes.

Jonathan hadn´t left her much money, yet it was enough for a ticket to a new life that would begin on a ship, that was called R.M.S. Titanic.

After all she went through because of her previous "love" she was quiet fed up of those arrogant-money-people, as Melissa used to call them. But there was still one advantage: she had no problem with choosing the 2nd class on the ship instead of a first class travel.

Melissa´s clothes were made up of almost only skirts or sometimes dresses, but still in a very elegant style. She wore her hair in a messy bun with many strands hanging out.

Her biggest problem was that she didn´t know how to carry all her bags and purses onto the ship and then also being punctual. She already had two purses hanging around her neck and two more around her hips. That meant five big and three small bags were left over. Melissa had no idea of where to go once she was in America but she was pretty sure she could find a home.

With a rope she tied smaller bags to the her trunks and then put the remaining bag under her right arm.

And now you could really say she was no rich person. Wrapped in her coat, scarf and hatshe stalked through the harbour of Southampton. Melissa´s ticket were held between her clenched teeth. She had to take every step careful in order not to drop them.

The crowd of people was big butthe ship was huge. Never before in her life Melissa had travelled by sea and now she was going to travel on a luxurious liner.

Hundreds of people were in the harbour, waving their hands to the passengers and telling them good bye. She didn´t even notice that she was standing in the middle of a street and forgetting everything around her.

Suddenly she was reminded as something cold and hard touched her arm, that was covered by her light brown coat. Melissa jumped in surprise and looked into that direction. A car stood closer to her body than it would be for her liking.

It´s driver looked out of the window and started cursing and insulting her immediately: "Can´t you watch out, damn scold!"

She opened her mouth to answer but the man who had shouted the last sentence continued: "Don´t dare raising word to us! The next time I won´t stop the car and then you can protest when you´re lying under the wheels!"

Melissa stepped aside, unable to do anything else. The shock sat deep in her bones. She watched the car drive past her. Now she noticed her ticket lying on the ground. It had fallen down as she wanted to reply but had no chance to. As far as possible she bent down and picked them up.

She hurried and stormed up the ramp and inside the ship.

"Hey! You forgot to show us your ticket", a man called after her. Of course! How could she be so naive and believe everything´s alright after a car hit her her only _almost_.

She turned aropund and walked back to the door. Melissa held her head high in the air, showing the rich people who were passing her that there was a lady inside her. She showed the men that they had to take the ticket out of her mouth, which they did.

"Thanks!", she said and walked on. The men had a disgusted expression on her face when Melissa left them standing there.

Her happiness of being freed from her ticket got destroyed by a cracking sound under her feet...

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I really need to know if you like this story so far. There so much more to come and it´s very important for meto knowif I should continue it. This is my first Titanic-fic, please be kind! 


	2. ArrogantMoneyPerson

Chapter 2

_Oh no! Why always me? I hope the thing I just broke wasn´t expensive_, Melissa thought and looked down at the ground. She could feel her heart pound faster and faster against her chest. The thing she had just stepped on was a golden watch. Sweat formed on her forhead.

What to do now? Going on and then someone might see what she had done? Or better picking it up, getting it repared and find out whose it is? she decided for the second point and picked the pocket watch up.

But now she really had to find her cabin. Many signs and arrows were stuck to the walls, which guided the way. It didn´t take long and Melissa was there.

It wasn´t that huge but the thought that she had to live there for almost one week, all alone scared her. Tears soon followed her thoughts. Her memories of her mother, father and younger sister pained her. Quickly she wiped them away. Melissa didn´t want to weep on the ship. Telling her family goodbye hadn´t been easy for her.

She started unpacking her trunks and bags, putting the clothes and other reminders of her past into the wardrobes and cupboards.

It was already afternoon as she had finished. Melissa was sitting on her bed now and eying the watch. On the underside the name of probably its owner was engraved: Hockley, C. "An arrogant-money-person," she said out loud.

Of course she had heard of the Pittsburgh Hockleys and it seemed they were on the Titanic now.

She had to confess that the watch was a pretty one. Carefully she looked at the top side of it. Ok, it was also a broken one. The glass was shattered and the watch itself didn´t work anymore.

Perhaps she could forget the fact that she could repare it herself. Inside Melissa´s mind pride and her good will were struggling for dominance. A pity that her good will for others won the fight. So she made her way out of the cabin and to the deck to ask someone for the watch´s owner.

The corridors seemed to have no end. In each corner she met people who had nothing better to do but to stand in her way.

Then her next problem were the many stairs. She didn´t count how many she had to climb before she finally found the way out of the chaotic maze of corridors.

As Melissa felt the sun sting her eyes she smiled all over her face. It was a beautiful weather with only a little wind. She had always loved the sun but since her husband was dead she could see the world with different eyes.

She jumped over the last two stairs. Now as she was standing on the ship it seemed even more huge. Looking around she walked over the deck.

People stood everywhere. talking or just watching the water below pass them by. The blond woman couldn´t help but to feel at home in a way you couldn´t compare with her old home.

Melissa looked straight into the other direction and noticed a beautiful woman standing at the reiling of the first class deck. She walked over to her, touching her arm.

"Why must you always follow me like a dog?", she asked while turning around. An expression of anger changed to one of surprise. "Oh, excuse me, Miss, I expected to find someone else behind me. Can I help you?"

"Surely not!", a cold voice said. _Will I ever get the chance to say something?_, Melissa thought before she turned to face the man who had walked up to them.

He was taller than both women and wore a light brown suit. His black hair was slicked back. From his look she could tell that he knew the red-haired woman. Yet she decided to ask what was lingering on her tongue for too long: "I´m sorry, sir, do you know a C. Hockley?"

The man raised a dark eyebrow. "Right in front of you", he replied and continued glaring at her.

Melissa took a deep breath before putting the watch out of her dress´ pocket and handing it to him. "I´m sorry, but I accidentally stepped on this watch which seems to belong to you."

Mr. Hockley recognized his belonging and studied it. "Well, thanks for finding it but as you might know you have to pay the watch. It has been valuable."

Her jaw dropped a littly. She had expected a diferent reaction. He watched her hang her head in shame before he continued: "200 dollar is the least for you to pay. But I already wonder where you could get this."

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At first thanks to my reviewers: MnM1803, titanicgirl1625, Princess Of The Gypsies and Angel of Freedom. I´m so glad you like the story. I hope you keep on reading it! 


	3. Dinner

Chapter 3

Melissa´s jaw dropped. She had no money with her at that moment and the idea of owing something to this Hockley scared her somehow. "I... I-I´m sorry, Mister", she stammered. "But all the money I have is in my cabin. Of course I would fetch it if you want it right here and now."

Quickly she turned her gaze towards the ground. She was so nervous that she had spoken too fast. Melissa wondered whether they could understand her or not.

To her luck the red-haired woman finally joined the conversation. Otherwise the man would have used his chance to throw a hidden word of insulting at her. "Please, excuse Mr. Hockley´s rude behaviour towards you."

She nodded a bit too hastily before the other woman continued: "I think the payment can wait until this evening. Would joining us for dinner be for your liking?"

Melissa could read right from Mr. Hockley´s eyes that it wasn´t for _his_ liking but this was her chance to get to know the woman better. She seemed sympatically.

"Thanks, the pleasure would be all mine." It would be just perfect to show the rich people her manners and that she belonged to them. Hockley smiled a false smile and added: "Then it´s settled. I´ll be waiting for you in front of the dining hall at point seven o´ clock. I expect you to be punctual. Until then." He tapped his hat.

Then he put his arm around the woman´s shoulders, almost pulling her away from Melissa.

As he thought she couldn´t hear him anymore he spoke to her: "Rose, I don´t know what to do anymore. You can´t invite poor strangers..."

His speech continued but Melissa was unable to get what he was talking. But it were probably no compliments.

Two things were for sure: this man was the most arrogant, rudest... person in the world and that she would show all of those people that there was a lady inside her. She was already looking forward to this dinner.

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She left her cabin a quarter to seven, of course with the best dress she had. It had light yellow shades, no sleeves and went down to the ground. A white corset over it made her look almost angelic.

Melissa had decided to wear her blond hair in a knot to her head with two small strands hanging around her face. In her purse she carried the money Hockley wanted from her. In her opinion she didn´t look so much different but perhaps to strangers. And... she had to confess that she felf excited and nervous.

The young woman stopped on the first stair of the way that lead down to a large hall. This first class area of the ship was new to her.

As she looked down at all the beautiful women down there she realized how exaggeratingly the acted. Their faked giggles and waves of their hands made Melissa roll her eyes. _They will never notice me until I start acting like them. And that will never happen._

Then her eyes fell on Hockley who leaned lazily against the banisters and probably waiting for her. But his easy-going behaviour he pretended didn´t impress her.

She walked down to him but felt afraid to say something all of sudden. He still didn´t seem to notice.

Her eyes followed his gaze that lay on Rose. With the thought _How typical of men_, Melissa finally dared to touch his shoulder and shake him out of his daydream.

The look of surprise on his face was obvious as he almost spun around. She smiled at the fact that she´d scared him. Dark brown eyes met green ones. Soon the brown eyes began travelling over her whole body, as if checking whether she looked presentable or not.

He seemed to come to the conclusion that she was worthy to walk beside him. Then it almost scared Melissa as he held his arm to her within moments.

She hooked her own arm under his and let him lead the way inside the dining hall. The room behind the beautiful door was full of people standing together and talking about business or politics.

Hockley guided her to a table where Rose sat. Beside her an older woman with hair just as red as hers. No doubt it was her mother.

There were also two men sitting on it who Melissa knew from the newspaper: Bruce Ismay and Thomas Andrews. They had designed the Titanic and made the building of it possible.

Melissa just wanted to sit down as she felt the chair under her move. Hockley had pulled it back to help her sit but this action had made her fall into the seat. She tried to smile to hide her anger at Hockley that was rising inside her. "Sorry", she heard him whisper but that was of no use.

After the oh-so-good start of dinner a conversation about the Titanic started. But she decided not to join it for she didn´t know much of this ship.

Maybe this could made them forget the little accident. They talked and talked. It almost seemed that they had forgotten that she was sitting on this table, too. Not that this was for Melissa´s disliking but ignoring her was quiete rude of them.

It gave her time to eat the food that was served. What for her disliking was that there was caviar. She hated this stuff so much. She couldn´t imagine people liking it.

Time was passing only slowly. But Rose herself was the one to finally introduce their guest to the others: "Perhaps you have already wondered who this woman here is. She was so kind and gave Caledon the pocket watch back which he had lost. And this dinner is the least we can do to thank her. Would you mind telling us about you, please?"

After all Rose was kind and asked for it and didn´t demand. Melissa nodded and started her story...


	4. The First Class

Chapter 4

Melissa hadn´t told them more of her than would have been necessary. Only a few things in which nobody should have interest in. It surprised her that Hockley had showed interest. And not only interest. Everytime she told something about herself he had listened. Everytime.

"I haven´t introduced myself yet. My name is Ruth Dewitt Bukater, Rose´ mother. May I ask you why you call your marriage unhappy?", a woman asked. She looked like Rose with the same fiery red hair but she was much older. Melissa hadn´t even noticed that the word "unhappy" had slipped out again.

By then Melissa saw a quick movement with the corner of her eye. It was Rose turning her look towards the ground. She was obviously ashamed by her mother.

But it would have been more than rude not answer her mother´s question so I did after a short nod. "Let me tell you about it so far that love has never existed in this marriage. I without love I´ll never marry anyone again. The marriage lasted only seven years but that was still too much before he died."

All people on the table didn´t even dare to swallow the food they were eating. This time really everyone had listened.

Especially Rose seemed to be touched by her story. She shook her head barely noticable. "Would you please excuse me?", she then asked and left the table.

Melissa took her chance of getting away from the whole situation. She couldn´t deny that she felt quite uncomfortable among this people: "I´m afraid I have to leave also. Again I want to thank you for inviting me tonight. I enjoyed your company but unfortunately I must go back now. Goodnight."

The young woman got up from her seat, turning to leave as she heard Hockley´s voice: "Ms. Thompson, if you don´t mind I walk you back to your cabin?"

That wasn´t really a question but still she waited for him to walk over to her. She didn´t know why she had taken his over. It couldn´t be out of respect because she felt non for those stuck-up people.

In deep silence they wlaked through the long corridors. From time to time their eyes met but not a word was spoken. Melissa soon realized that walking through a second class area was very bad for Hockley´s pride. But right that fact made her smile. Her arm was still linked to his and showing him around in a lower class was amusing for Melissa. "It´s right here", she told his after a time, that had been too long for his liking, and pointed at her cabin´s door.

Reaching into her purse she took out 200$ and handed them to him. "Your money, Mr. Hockley."

But to her surprise he just shook his head instead of taking it and replied: "No, I want you to keep it. Mr. Lovejoy, my valet, was so kind and found somebody to repare the watch for free. That frees you from all debts."

"But I thought the money was the reason you walked me here for", Melissa said truthfully. She was confused of his sudden behaviour and the smile he gave her.

Hockley already took a few steps backwards so that she wasn´t able to give it to him though. "Actually not. But you´re right, I´m here for a reason."

Melissa´s eyebrows narrowed in confusion: "And the reason would be?" This senseless conversation made her smile by accident. "It´s not because of the watch. After everything you said tonight I expect you to have a need for talking about it. If you need somebody, I´ll be there", he said, now also smiling.

She soon found her normal expression she showed arrogant-money-people usually and called him back. He had turned to leave again.

"What makes you think I need to talk? I mean, to you, of all people?", I asked him. Again this stupid grin had to appear on her face. Hockley shrugged and with a "I bid you a good night, Ms. Thompson!" he was gone.

Melissa felt as if she couldn´t understand the world anymore. All the questions he hadn´t answered her kept spinning in her head.

Walking into her cabin she sat down on her bed. The faces of all people she had met on her first day reappeared in her mind and also formed opinions about them. Rose had looked so touched by her past that maybe she could identify herself with it. But she didn´t much about this red-head. Only one thing was for sure: Hockley would be the last person she would ever to talk to.

So Melissa could only hope that she wouldn´t have to do with those people again. They could do with all their money what they wanted.


	5. Making Friends: Rose

Chapter 5

Images of the last evening kept spinning in Melissa´s head for hours as she awoke. She had also started to wonder why she had gotten a peaceful sleep at night. By then it was time for breakfast in the second class room. Of course this one was much simpler than the one of the first class section but she liked it all the same.

On her way she thought about all the borders between the three classes. First class people could go where they wanted but people from lower class weren´t even allowed to leave their places. Fortunately Melissa had the right clothes to go there though.

The food was still good and in her opinion much better than the caviar-stuff the arrogant-money-people ate.

Melissa was chewing a piece of bread roll as a movement on the corner of her eye made her look around. She spotted Rose standing in front of the glass door, motioning for her to come out.

Taking the remain of the bread roll with her she joined Rose on the outside of the dining hall. "Why are you here?", Melissa asked with a smile.

"I just wanted to excuse for my mother´s behaviour again. And also for Cal´s... They are so... I don´t know!", Rose got slightly frustrated while walking through the corridors with Melissa, who tried to save the situation. "You mean they are only talking to people of their society."

Rose nodded. She herself of course accepted her apologize because she knew the red-head was helpless against such people. As was she.

To show her understanding Melissa assured her: "I understand how you feel." She didn´t want to offend her by saying something rude about her mother but as it seemed Rose despised Cal just as she did. After all she probably didn´t have to do much with him.

"Especially Cal seemed to try my patience. With this permanent staring and slimy behaviour he probably thought he would get me to like him but he caused right the opposite feeling in me."

Once more she nodded, but this time as if agreeing but not completely. Melissa had to find out what was bothering her. She was sure there was something.

"Rose, If I said anything wrong then-", but she was cut off quicker than she had thought. Rose held the back of her left hand in front of Melissa´s face, showing her a silver ring with white diamonds on it. She took hold of her hand and looked at it. It reminded Melissa much of the ring Jonathan had given her for the... engagement?

Now everything started to make sense to her. "You´re engaged to Cal, right?" As Rose nodded Melissa put the whole rest of her bread roll into her mouth and ate it.

She was both shocked and disappointed of Rose that she had made such a fatal decision. How could she have been so blinded by his faked emotions?

"I know what you think of me now, Melissa. But we´ve known each other only for a couple hours and I don´t feel like telling you the reason for my engagement yet. Although I trust you of all people on this ship the most", she explained.

It didn´t seem to Melissa that she really loved Cal but the trust she already felt towards her made her smile. At least sadly. "You don´t mind me calling you Melissa?"

"Of course not. I´ve called you be your first name already so it´s only appropriate when I do so with you, too. On top of that I´m quite sure that we haven´t met the last time, right?"

"Right", Rose replied and smiled back at the other woman. Suddenly her smile faded as she looked ahead. Instead a look of anger appeared on her features. Melissa caught only the disappearing glimpse of a man as she followed her gaze. Immediately the question who this could have been appeared on her mind.

As if she had read that question right from her face Rose said: "This is Cal´s valet. He´s been sent to spy after me. It seems to me that Cal just can´t lose the feeling of me betraying him."

Melissa thought about her words for a short moment and cleared her throat before saying: "I wouldn´t accept such a behaviour... though it´s only a way to express the fear of losing somebody." Shaking herself out of her good-will-state she added: "Though this way is more than unusual to do that."

"That might be but still I hate it when he doesn´t believe when I keep telling him I did nothing. He´s too old to understand that I need my freedom", Rose said.

She didn´t know how she could really change Rose´ mood into something better but still she told her: "Perhaps you should show how you feel when he does that to you. If he notices that he hurt you things would surely change."

"They surely would", Rose agreed. "But around him I can´t show my feelings. I don´t really know why... Well, here´s our suite. I´ll meet you soon again."

Melissa hadn´t even noticed that they had walked that far. But still she let Rose disappear in her room and went back to her own. Her mind was once more filled with questions and thoughts about the Titanic passengers from first class.


	6. How Dare He?

Chapter 6

It didn´t take much time of Melissa to leave her cabin again. She had brought a couple of books with her but it was still boring. She had once been on the deck for second class and noticed a few chairs there. They weren´t even half as comfortable as the first class deck chairs were but they would do. Melissa grabbed her favorite book 'Pride and Prejudice' by Jane Austen and took a walk through the corridors.

Sometimes she enjoyed being alone, even if that made her think about her past. She had been so glad that nobody had demanded to know more about it.

As she took her first step onto the deck and she could feel the rays of sunlight again she forgot everything around her. Sitting down on one of the chairs she opened her book and started reading. Melissa had read it so many times but still found it exciting and romantic.

She had only been little when she had dreamed of such a lovestory, like between Lizzy and Darcy in her book. She had wanted to marry a man like Darcy with so many different sides and of a beautiful wedding in a white wedding gown with her family and children in her later life. Melissa sighed and closed her eyes for just a moment. But she still slipped into a light slumber.

Cal´s POV:

Why does this always get out of hand? But Rose probably wanted it that way. I tried! I really tried but she preferred to stare into space instead of talking to me. She seems to think that I don´t notice when she fakes a smile but I do!

And as if the situation wasn´t bad enough this newly-rich woman Mrs. Brown thought it would be funny to make a joke of this!

Well, Rose left the table and I had to run after her to bring her back. Her mother just didn´t want to leave her in peace for a moment. No, I HAD to go!... Women! These illogical creatures. Rose can have no doubt that she´s related to Ruth!

I really had to clear my mind after meeting her at the reiling. But what was I to do? Maybe taking a walk would be the best...

Back to narrator´s POV:

Cal walked aimlessly over the deck. He was still frustrated about everything that had happened in the last few minutes. Following Rose would have been the biggest mistake he could have made.

After his first steps he was stopped by a man, who had attended the same university. "Cal? I can´t believe it´s you I´m meeting here", he said a shook Cal´s hand. "Pleasure to see you again, Arthur", he assured him. But it was a lie. Arthur had blond hair, that was longer than Cal´s and dark eyes. He was as tall as the other man and had been his best friend for years. Until Arthur had gotton jealous of his friend.

"Now tell me: what brings you on the Titanic? Still looking for a proper wife, huh?", he asked without a hesitation.

Cal pulled his hand out of his grip and replied calmly: "Actually not. In fact I´m soon to be married a few weeks after I get off the Titanic. And you, Arthur?"

The blond man got the irony of it and his expression had changed into a scowl. "As you know, I appreciate the female company but I don´t feel ready to settle down, yet. Who is the _lucky_ woman of your dreams, if I may ask?"

"You may ask me, of course." Cal noticed the same old jealousy again. The way he had pronounced 'lucky' was like something disgusting. In their youth the two couldn´t be parted but Cal had better luck with women than Arthur. And though they were of the same age it was Cal who looked older and more experienced at that time. Not that the slightest had changed about that.

"You can ask, but don´t expect an answer from me!", he added and strode past him. HE wouldn´t give him the chance to scoff at Rose.

He had to get away from this man. The sooner - the better. Walking down the stairs to the second class deck he looked around. He wanted to make sure nobody would notice him there before sitting down on a deck chair.

Running a hand through his thick black hair he saw somebody shifting in the chair beside him. Something rather heavy dropped to the floor.

The noise made Melissa wake up. As she noticed her book lying on the ground she bent down to pick it up. She ignored the man sitting next to her until she leaned back in the chair again. Her eyebrows shot up at the sight. "Mr. Hockley, what brings you here?"

Cal now had to look at her. Why couldn´t just everyone leave him in peace? "Miss Thompson, you can believe me, I´m also not too happy that our paths cross again." Melissa gulped. She hadn´t meant to let her voice sound that harsh but he was right. She wasn´t happy.

"Good that we finally agree. So if you don´t mind, this part of the ship belongs to my part and you should go back to yours!"

He jumped out of the chair, almost flipping it over while doing so and glared at her: "It´s not on you to throw me off the ship. Even when this is only second class I can go wherever I wish! You are the one who could easily be thrown off _my_ part!"

Melissa closed her mouth. Her jaw had dropped. How dare he! "I have no intention to go to your people for even a second! The dinner was more that enough!"

With that she got a stronger hold of her book and went back inside. How dare he?


End file.
